I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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