Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
