so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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