I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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