you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.