I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."