he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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