He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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