She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize