tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
