TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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