you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
