dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
