I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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