Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she peed on how many people?
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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