dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My liver just had a heart attack.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
