I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
