I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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