if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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