i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
