sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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