Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
