I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
