shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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