I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
