1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
