So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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