i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
