dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
