I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
