I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
