Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
