So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
