brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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