Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
