You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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