im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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