i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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