I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
