just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
