Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The feeling are messing with the penis
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
