I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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