she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
