He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
