just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
