Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
