Plan B is the new Plan A
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
