My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
