I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
