I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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