Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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