Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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