I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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