I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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