I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
