chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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