He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
