i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
