i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
