Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
