I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
