Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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