oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize