That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
