Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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